Spacefem.com Useless Poetry Contest: Winners
These are the ALL TIME winners. Since this is a useless poetry contest, I guess they'd be called the most useless? Anyway,
click on a contest name to see more entries.
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1 Bamboo Climbing
I climb up bamboo
It keels over because
I am too
h
e
a
v
y
Suddenly I remember
how disgusting bamboo
really can be
This is a perfect example:
the tree I tried to climb
is ugly.
Total wins: 11, Wins: 86% of the time
Contest
#32 Ugly Bamboo Sticks2 Dr. Choco
Upon devouring her nutritious breakfast
of Dr. Choco's honey bunches of frosted magnets cereal
(they're grrrrrreat!),
she remembered
Dr. Choco's honey bunches of frosted magnets cereal
Ate her teeth
And gave her
A heaping helping
Of Diabetes
By Katy Z.
Total wins: 11, Wins: 85% of the time
Contest
#52 Frosted Magnets3 Twirly Iguanas
Lizards spinning round and round
Way on up there, way up high
Where the air tastes like biscotti
Where pizza bagels go to fly
Twirly iguanas, oh, you know you wanna
Grab onto a tail!
Twirly iguanas, oh, you know you wanna
Hope that doesn't fail!
(Because if it does fail
You will fall very very far
And be a very tiny speck
Of dust.)
The End.
Total wins: 10, Wins: 79% of the time
Contest
#17 Twirly Iguanas4 Active Crayons
My little crayons
I just want to know
are you using protection?
By Stephanie Hester
Total wins: 10, Wins: 77% of the time
Contest
#19 Active Crayons5 Satanic Donuts
Who will eat them all?
These free donuts sitting here
They are from satan!
Total wins: 29, Wins: 73% of the time
Contest
#3 Satanic Donuts6
the aerosol in the kitchen
smells strangely like the gravy
don't give it to the chicken
his allergies are crazy
Total wins: 21, Wins: 72% of the time
Contest
#2 Allergic Chickens Burp At Aerosol Cans7
Elongated and magnetic
Steel 90 degree aesthetic
Marching out from the sea, screaming:
"All your shells are belong to me!"
His trot rhythm harsh robotic
Zip-zig-zag machine melodic
Metal arm meets metal hand
Meets mouth stuffed full of shells and sand.
Forgot, ’til flying sparks and hiss-hums,
Robots have no digestive systems.
By Katrinioso
Total wins: 9, Wins: 71% of the time
Contest
#53 Long Robots Try To Eat Shells8 Grumpy Stars
The stars are grumpy
It is too bright for the stars
Sleep is what they need
By Catzgirl
Total wins: 9, Wins: 71% of the time
Contest
#23 Grumpy Stars9 Kinky Muffins Are Crispier
Oh my god! Benjamin Blueberry!
Are you looking at pictures of...
Cranberries?!
And WALNUTS?
You kinky, kinky muffin!
Is this because I ate your wife?
By Meghan B.
Total wins: 9, Wins: 71% of the time
Contest
#16 Kinky Muffins10 Egads
Today I baked cookies
Cookies of evil
For I killed a unicorn
And ground up its horn
Into the batter I showered it in
And added some spit to add to the sin
I baked them in hell, those cookies of mine
To serve them to you... AND SEVER YOUR SPINE!!
Total wins: 20, Wins: 71% of the time
Contest
#5 Horny Cookies11 Sick Puppy
I sat down, hungry.
I didn't know.
The cookies, the chocalate chip cookies,
I didn't know they could do that.
I felt so violated.
The cookies didn't care.
The cookies touched me,
Why? Why?
The horny cookies,
Horny fucking cookies.
Total wins: 16, Wins: 70% of the time
Contest
#5 Horny Cookies12
Typing I must do
Arachnids under key two
What to do no clue
Total wins: 9, Wins: 69% of the time
Contest
#30 Harsh Spiders Shoot Keyboards13 Flesh-eating Zucchini Steal Magic 8 Ball!
I dislike courgette
[the same as zucchini, in fact]
not least because,
when I was small,
one bit me
and stole my magic 8 ball
By DruidX
Total wins: 17, Wins: 69% of the time
Contest
#9 Flesh-eating Zuchinnis Erase Magic 8 Balls14 oh no!
once upon a time
you were cuddling with a foaming monster
then bam
your unconsious
...
what hotel is this?
Total wins: 18, Wins: 68% of the time
Contest
#12 Cuddle With Foaming Monsters15 Chicken Allergies
My chicken's allergic to starch
The reactions are crazy and harsh
When we spray by his face
He runs out of the space
Or else belches us out of the marsh
Total wins: 18, Wins: 68% of the time
Contest
#2 Allergic Chickens Burp At Aerosol Cans16 "Lamp Factory"
Light on
Light Off
This one works
NEXT!
Light on
Flicker off
Well, that sucks
REJECT!
Light on
I said, light on
Worthless junk
REJECT!
Light on
Good
Light off
Well, that's useless
Doesn't shut off
REJECT!
Light on
Light off
Good. No defects
NEXT!
Ah the day of a hard working
Lamp Making
Radioactive
Potato
REJECT!
By Dart Kietanmartaru
Total wins: 8, Wins: 64% of the time
Contest
#21 Radioactive Potatoes Manufacture Lamps17 sleep madness
Sleep madness,
I feel it sliding through my frontal lobe,
like a metaphysical salamander.
too long without sleep,
and I start to get loopy.
Stupid lemmings,
I see them lurking there,
Just behind my eyelids.
Total wins: 8, Wins: 64% of the time
Contest
#69 Stupid Lemmings18 damn carrots
if you want to impress a carrot
take him to the zoo
show him to the rabbits
and offer him as food
maybe that won't impress him much
but if you slowly steam him in a
piece of expensive equipment,
i'm sure that this will do.
By alysssssa
Total wins: 8, Wins: 62% of the time
Contest
#29 Impress Carrots19 Viruses
I dance violently
spreading my disease
I love this spiney
flesh eating virus
soon I will be
skin and bone
By Stephanie Hester
Total wins: 8, Wins: 62% of the time
Contest
#20 Spiney Flesh Eating Viruses Dance With Artists20 The Handler
Even the Irish Setter
(Who, with his shiny locks of handsome fur,
Looked absolutely flawless)
Shot a discerning eye to its porcine exhibitor
Who was sporting
The most
Hideous
Sparkling
Yellow
Jacket,
Resembling, briefly,
The sun.
By Katrinioso
Total wins: 8, Wins: 62% of the time
Contest
#50 Shiny Shirts21 sleep sleep
sleep sleep sleep sleep (rhythmically)
i-like-to-sleep.(said quickly)
beep beeep beep beeep
there-goes-the-alarm
(read as above)
wait;
wait;
that wasn't an alarm.
that was a:
missile,rocket,projectile,motorcycle,helicopter,racecar,doughnut,broomhandle
and it woke me up
and it work me up
Total wins: 7, Wins: 62% of the time
Contest
#71 Sleep With Missiles22 40 denier rejection
Cool nylon smoothness
deflects my eager kisses.
I'll go hug a bra.
Total wins: 8, Wins: 62% of the time
Contest
#79 Make Out With Apathetic Stockings23 Aluminum
A robot doesn't need
education
It has been programmed
A robot doesn't need anti-perspirant
It is aluminum
A robot doesn't need
to play the saxophone
It has no soul
A robot needs
robot love
But not the kind
you're thinking of
Total wins: 8, Wins: 62% of the time
Contest
#77 Educated Saxophones Anti-perspirant Robots24
if hamsters learned to fly
inside their hamster ball
we'd have to wonder why
the lighting got them all
Total wins: 18, Wins: 61% of the time
Contest
#4 Melodious Hamsters Kiss Lightning Bolts25 Fall to Darkness
I am a leaf
I was once green
young
alive
but now my life drains from me
as the bitter air of fall attacks my very being
I have nothing to rely on
All of my friends have died
soon I will die
and fall to the ground
like into a back abyss of despair
or into the fiery pits of hell
of which I am the same color
and then I will rot
Total wins: 13, Wins: 61% of the time
Contest
#6 Emo Leaves
